“It’s okay. What do you think?A few more verbal tests, as she fidgeted in ascending anxiety, her insecure replies and attempts to continue a conve...sation beyond heard grasp, confirmed she was bluffing. She was trying to be “normal” when not. She couldn’t hear me. It explained her proud, stuck up, school demeanor. She didn’t respond because she didn’t hear the hellos. Like at the café, she faked her way through school.How difficult a life, such a terrible card dealt, not being in the. “Baby, do you have any idea how much I would love to train with you, go to the gym when we get time and work out with you? We could be training partners. We could push each other, encourage each other, test, and expand each other’s limits in so many ways. I think we could be so good for each other. Moreover, it would add in building our relationship as well.” Taking a long sip of my red wine, I took my time in answering her. “I have wanted this for such a long time. Getting out there and. I go into a drug store or a pharmacy. I pick a crowded one wheneverpossible. I buy a package of condoms. Usually, I purchase colored ones;sometimes, I get the ribbed kind. I always get flavored ones, too--Ilike to give the clerk and whatever other customers are on hand at thetime I make my purchase something to think about, something tomasturbate over. The flavored ones, for example, obviously suggest thatI plan to perform fellatio. The ribbed ones indicate that I am asensuous woman who enjoys. It is ok. You are safe." She held me close rocking me slowly as I clung to her. "I love you sis."As I looked into her green eyes I whispered softly, "Danny, I don't want to be scared anymore." She looked deep into my eyes. "I know he won't hurt me here. But I still get scared. But I also feel so many other things, things I am scared of even more. Even though I hated what he did, my body liked it sometimes. Danny, what I am trying to say is I am afraid of sex, but I need it so much it hurts. I.
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